Tis the day after Valentine's day...

...and imagine my feelings of excitement when the postman arrives with a long awaited beautiful parcel from India, covered in a mini pillow slip of fine cotton, sewn together to keep the contents in perfect condition.

Could this contain the jewelled tiara, to make up for a solo St Valentine? Perhaps a little cashmere scarf in heart stopping colours, or some silks for darling D to sew into a glamorous outfit? A new percussion instrument for Drummer boy?

Mmmm no!

A torch, an old belt, a necklacy thing with a hook on it...AND AN OLD PAIR OF WORK GLOVES FOR SHIFTING WOOD.

I already have a pair of work gloves. It is true that they are getting a lot of use, but I don't need another pair...just yet.

But there is more:

A bag of spices that has exploded. What are these tiny brown pellets like bits of cork that are everywhere?

There is no covering letter to tell me what these specks of brown and black are in and out of their little bags. I expect the green balls with brown patches on are amla going off.

There are some dark and dangerous looking dried chilis, and this:

Now, if you look closely you will see that there is a button at the bottom of the plunging neckline of this glorious object which I presumed to be some kind of waistcoat. I spent half an hour with it hanging around my neck, forcing the button to sit uncomfortably under my breasts until I realised that it must be a handbag. This is what happens when there are no instructions...

My vague tetchy bad temper of yesterday has developed into something a lot more grumpy and shouty.

I don't envy the children when they get home from school...