Hope for the New Year

I dont have many words for you.

Depression is a great silencer, like a big blanket of freezing snow.

But here is a flower from my walk this morning.

Yellow is for hope, and the ice is melting... and the year has turned.

Happy New Year !

Depression and love

He has done it again.
He is a member of our extended family, but part of the militantly religious wing, so we do not see each other regularly.
It was last week but I still cannot get him out of my thoughts nor think about much else really. I cannot stop imagining what it is like inside his head, to have driven him to such a desperate act, his God no defence, sure that hell awaits him for commiting the ultimate sin. When we were first told, he was not expected to live, the day was spent in shock, trying to accept the unacceptable. Then, a reprieve. He was off the machines and breathing but with memory loss.
He is my age.
Depression is the most insidious of enemies, creeping up and binding its victim in lethargy and hopelessness, staining everyone left behind with guilt and feelings of inadequacy. It's fingers pluck at my clothes, it nags at me, exploiting my empathy, "This could be you, this should be you, you know how it feels, don't fight the inevitable, at least he believed in something, what do you have? nothing!"
I walk in the forest and cry, guiltily, because I know that I cry for me as much as for him.
And then I remember what I do believe in.
Love.
Human love.
Although sometimes I have as much trouble expressing my faith as the doubting priest grappling with the divine.
I will be practical.
There will be something that I can do.

Hedgehog Woman (ii) and Birdman

I’ve decided to move in the furniture, and put up curtains… and start to add links to the blogs that I have started to read and enjoy every now and then. Perhaps it was a little foolish to put a site meter in so soon, and in such an enormous font size...

In the spirit of meme, I tried to think of five things to do to stave off winter depression, and keep hedgehog woman out of the shoebox.

1 Abolish Christmas
2 Abolish Christmas
3 Abolish Christmas
4 Abolish Christmas
5 Go for a long walk by the sea side on a very windy day.

Number 5 was quite effective. It is hard to be anything other than exhilarated when being blown over by salty, gale force winds. But the best moment is when you get back in the car.

Here is birdman preparing for take off. He is lucky that I am here to bring him down to earth.