Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The loneliness of the long distance housewife, cut off in her prime

The night of the storm, I unplugged everything, yes, absolutely everything, in a positively paranoiac neurotic/obsessive way. No one is going to take my Internet away, now that I’ve just got it back.

But since the storm, Internet is only available every now and again. All of my equipment is working just fine but I don’t think that France Telecom has anything left to plug back in…
I have been leaving my Outlook Express open and on patrol, and every so often it succeeds in dashing into the ruins of Orange and snatching out some emails before everything collapses again. There must be lines down and smouldering circuit boards all over the place.

I can’t communicate…so I will have a clean up. I decide to get my house in order before the wanderer returns with tiaras and bolts of silk for our saris. He will probably need a new store cupboard for his tea and spices. It is my last chance to throw lots of his stuff away without being caught in the act. I wonder whether he will notice that all the house plants have died. I will try and buy some new ones. Now where can I find an aspidistra?

8 comments:

Mike said...

Oh man, being without internet is the worst feeling in the world. How did we ever exist without it before?

I threw away a bunch of my wife's old stuff about 20 years ago and to my knowledge, she's never missed it.

Or maybe she is just planning the ultimate revenge against me.

Lucy said...

Everybody seems to be having internet trouble round here, ours is better now but still a bit patchy. When you think it's all pretty amazing that it all gets squeezed down those wires and extruded into our computers and floated out into the ether etc at all really.

A big welcome back to Jimmy.

Mrs. Chili said...

I would be positively bereft without the internet. You have my condolences.

I made a promise to my husband to never throw away anything of his without telling him first (unless it's something meaningless, like a sock with a hole in it or a broken bit of something). I stash any his stuff (crap) that I deem ditch-able in a box and stash it in the basement with a date on it. Eventually the basement gets jammed full of junk, he goes on a rampage, rents a dumpster, and throws it out himself.

Would it be quicker and cheaper if *I* did it? Sure; but this way, I don't have to deal with him blaming ME that I threw out his bright orange Syracuse cheerleading outfit...

Rosie said...

quick quick I have a connection..
Mike...i bet she has thrown something out but you didnt notice
lucy...I wish there was a bit more orange being squeezed in my direction
mrs chili...that wouldnt work for the wanderer, even meaningless things like socks with holes in are still useful and recyclable... anyway if he had bright orange Syracuse cheerleading outfit I might want to borrow it to entertain friends...
see you all when I can

amy said...

Do you find you actually get things done with no internet?! I'm thinking of burying the wireless card outside somewhere because it becomes a beast that must be fed while everything else goes into neglect...

I am seriously afraid of throwing away other people's stuff, but can't stand clutter - so there are bags, bowls and boxes stacked up with plugs, business cards, cassette tapes. Sort of like the Warhol time capsules.

Enjoy the homecoming!

Mark said...

Virgin managed to kill my connection a few weeks ago, and I had a week of no internet.

Apart from actually having to talk to the family, I had to go to a cafe, with real people in it, very odd experience :)

I have to staple stuff down to stop my wife throwing it out too....

Rosie said...

amy- I have to admit that I have a lot of boxes in the attic over the garage which are full of very ancient cassetees that I cannot throw away because they musical ideas on them which are at least 3 decades old...
Hi Mark and welcome. You dont think those were real people that you met in the cafe do you? they were other people like us who had lost internet...

meggie said...

I just read Mike's comment, & almost died!! I would have noticed the instant it went!

I wish I lived close- we have giant Aspidistra growing wild in our garden!! You would be welcome to select one.