The strawberry on the cheesecake

I’m afraid that I have to postpone posting the queen’s New Year speech yet again, because I have something far more important preoccupying me. Do I take Porridge to the Paris Dog show or not on Saturday? I still have a terrible yearning for a shiny cup and as BFIATW (best friend in all the world) tactfully pointed out, the one that we have already for obedience is rather cheap and nasty and not engraved.
Surely the Paris International Dog show (equivalent to Crufts) would have a superior line in cups. I fantasize about the presentation ceremony following our winning Best in Show. Perhaps Porridge’s name would appear in embossed golden letters on the ebony stand of the shiny cup. I wonder whether I will have sufficient strength to lift a heavy object of such quality. It would look so nice on the piano.

There is a problem. There is a large obstacle between Porridge’s long and illustrious pedigree and a prize. Her nose.
Well, there is no point in denying it. It is getting pinker and pinker. It seems to be worse in the cold. I try to imagine a discreet nose warming appliance that could be hidden from the judge. A small hot water bottle strapped to her muzzle?
Will Porridge’s career as a showgirl have to come to a premature end?
Her nose is turning into a strawberry and there is nothing that I can do about it. She does have rather a nice black patch on her tongue, but I see no way of moving it to the appropriate area.

The breed standard is not so clear on the subject. “Nose preferably black… Any departure from the foregoing points should be considered a fault and the seriousness with which the faults should be regarded should be in exact proportion to its degree,” it says.
Mmm…preferably. That isn’t the same as must be, is it? I mean, it doesn’t say “four legs, preferably one on each corner”, does it? Perhaps there is some leeway.

There is bound to be a product that I have not yet found, used of course by all the other competitors…lick-proof NOSE BLACKING for retrievers. Let me know if you find some, or a bite-proof mini hot water bottle...